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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My cloud results

The clock is about to hit 5 o’clock and Tanji can’t wait to get off work. She is going to have her first official date with John in three months. There will not be any kids around or any other stressors, just her and John to enjoy the evening. As soon as 5 0’clock comes Tanji leaves her crappy 8-5 job and rushes over to pick the kids up from daycare, grabs some happy meals from the local drive through and drops them off at her mom’s house.
“Ok boys, I love you and I want you to behave for Grandma. Now, come give be a big huge bear hug so I can get going,” Tanji says. Matthew, who is 2 years old, runs up to his momma and squeezes her neck as hard as he can. “Man, you are getting so strong Mr. Matthew!! Now, come here Ethan and squeeze my neck as hard as you can.” Ethan is a big boy for 8 years old and just as he runs up to give his mom a hug he plows her over like nothing. “Ethan,” she laughs “how in the world did you get so strong to knock your mom over?” she asked.
Now that the kids are situated at her mom’s Tanji halls butt to her house to get a quick shower and get all primped up before John shows up to take her out on their date. “What do I wear?” she asks herself. “Should I wear a dress, pants with a sweater, or jeans? I so hate trying to figure out what to wear!!!!” She is tries on five different outfits and finally decides on the first outfit she put on. She looks at the clock and realizes that John is going to be there in thirty minutes to get her. She puts it into hyper drive now to get ready. She dries her hair and then covers her head with hot rollers hoping that her hair will co-operate better tonight than it did this morning. While the rollers cool off, she tries some new make-up that she bought this past weekend just for tonight. “Okay, let’s see if I can make my face look like the ad in the magazine,” Tanji jokes to herself as she tries to make her eye shadow look like the celebrities in the magazine. Twenty minutes later and five eye-makeup redo’s she finally gets it right and her make-up looks awesome. “Crap, I have ten minutes to get my hair done. I so have to hurry the hell up so I don’t make John wait for me like usual.” Finally, with practically no time left Tanji puts on the final squirts of her perfume and is finally ready for her knight in shining armor to come and whisk her off of her feet.
Ding Dong. The doorbell rings and John is waiting at the door looking more handsome than ever. He is wearing a pair of khaki pants with a black dress shirt, both neatly pressed. He even has his hair pulled back into a ponytail for this magical event.
As soon as Tanji opens the front door John presents her with a dozen long-stemmed red roses intertwined with Baby’s Breath.
“You are so sweet,” she gushes. “You didn’t need to get me roses. They are absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much!” She gives John a long passionate kiss and hug.
“Before we go to dinner I think that we need to have a serious talk,” John says to Tanji sounding quite upset.
“What is going on? Is everything okay?” she asks feeling her heart almost pounding out of her chest. She has never felt more nervous in her life. She isn’t quite sure if the butterflies in her stomach are good butterflies are really bad ones.
“You know I love you, right? I will do anything for you and the boys, and you know that.” He begins. “But, there is something that is just not right with our relationship.” The more into his speech he gets the more nervous he gets and his palms get sweatier with each passing second. Finally, he takes a big breath and decides to just go for it.
“What I am trying to say is…” he pauses just for a moment to gain his compsure and try not to let the tears out just yet. “Will you marry me?”
“WHAT?!?! Are you serious? I thought you were going to say it was splitsville for us!!” She exclaims. “Of course I will marry you!!” Now Tanji realizes what the butterflies in her stomach were. Once John is able to slide the ring onto her finger that get in his truck and head to the restaurant to enjoy their first meal as an engaged couple.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Michaela and Sam


“Come on Sam,” Michaela yells, “Let’s go for a walk.” Sam comes running up behind her wagging his tail. Sam is Michaela most prized possession. On Michaela’s sixth birthday her parent’s got her Sam, he was only 6 weeks old at the time now he is full grown and 4 years old. “Mom, I’m gonna go take Sam for a walk, we’ll be back in 30 minutes. Is that cool?”

“Yea, that is fine. Just make sure that you are home before it gets dark. You know I don’t like you wonderin around by yourself after the sun sets.” Her mom yells down from the upstairs bedroom.

“Let’s go Sam!” Michaela exclaims. Michaela puts the leash on Sam and they run out the back door as fast as they can. They run out to the forest and Michaela pretends that she is a great warrior princess with her noble steed, Samuel the Great. They chase each other around the trees and under the bridge. Just as Michaela was rounding the last tree she runs straight into a tall, scruffy, strange man.

“Hello, little girl.” He sneers. “What are you doing out in the forest all by yourself? You have to be careful with who you meet in the forest. There are all kinds of crazy people out here.” His words send chills down Michaela’s back. She is frozen stiff with fear. What should she do? Should she scream, run, call for Sam what?

She decides to start running and just as she turns to run the creepy stranger grabs her by the hair, puts his hand over her mouth and takes her to the old abandoned house on the other side of the woods. Sam is following, running after them trying to get to Michaela.

When they finally make it into the house Sam is barking non-stop and trying to attack the stranger. “BACK OFF you Mangy mutt!” he yells at Sam. “Get back before I break your neck and send you to meet your maker.” Sam continues to bark in hopes that someone will hear him and come to the aid of Michaela. “Alright dog, I have had it!” The stranger pulls out his gun, aims it at Sam and…

“NO!!! “ Michaela screams. “Why did you kill my dog?” she runs over to Sam and hugs him hoping that it will bring him back.

“Now that I have some peace and quiet, I want you to come here.” He points to Michaela signaling for her to come to him.

“There is no way that I am going to let you hurt me!!” She yells.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” The man moves closer to Michaela with every word that he speaks.

Michaela looks around the abandoned house to see what she can use as a weapon. In the corner of her eye she sees half a brick. She proceeds to back up with caution as the man is approaching her. Just as he lunges at her she grabs the brick, as a great warrior princess would, and knocks the crap out of him right on his head. As he lays in a pool of his own blood Michaela gives her best friend one last kiss on the head and bolts out the front door and runs straight to her house to tell her mom what happened.

“Mom, Sam is dead and…” she begins.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

What he wants

“Here it goes. I can feel it kicking in.” John said as he felt his lips beginning to go numb. He was so tired of being tired. All he wanted to do was live a normal life without any pain. He wanted all of his pain to go away, his physical pain, his emotional pain, all of it. He was so sick of fighting with his wife and his kids not listening to him when he told them to do something. What went wrong in his life that he deserved this type of situation? He was raised in a good Catholic home with morals and ethics, he had always been taught to treat a woman with respect and he did exactly that for the past 17 years of his marriage.
“I think that my wife is the devil, she has to be, why else would she treat me like a pile of crap?” he asked rhetorically as he looked at his 8-ball of cocaine. As he rolled the dollar bill up he made two more lines to snort. As the cocaine went up his nose he could feel his pain going away. He put the dollar bill on the mirror with the cocaine and sat back and relaxed as he felt the drop in the back of his throat. He grabbed a cigarette out of his crumpled pack, lit it, and enjoyed the feeling of no pain. What he had wanted was finally gone, for awhile anyways, he had no pain physically or mentally.

A hectic morning

I could feel a chill in the air as I walked towards the bank on my way to work. The wind picked up and the clouds were rolling in as fast as I had ever seen in the month of August. Clouds and wind are extremely uncommon this time of year in California. I had a feeling that I should not go into the bank but I needed to make a deposit in my account before I had overdraft charges. As I walked into the bank I could cut the tension in the air with a knife, a butter knife at that. Automatically, my heart started pounding so hard I just knew that everyone could hear it. As I approached the teller desk a man came from behind, wrapped his arm around my neck, and shoved a gun into my side. As I froze in terror he told me to do as he said or he would kill me. I tried to look around to see who all was in the bank, I saw a senior citizen couple, a mother and her young child, and several business men. When I saw the mother and her young child I knew that I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. In an instant I remembered the defensive training course I completed just over two years ago. I never thought I would actually have to use it. This was the perfect time to use what I had been taught. I went on the offense quickly without giving the bank robber a chance to think. I grabbed his arm that was around my neck and bit on it as hard as I could causing his automatic reaction to let go of me and check his arm. I was not about to stop now. I was so full of adrenaline I kept pulling every move I knew. The more I attacked him the more people were helping me to contain him until the police arrived. When the police arrived and were able to apprehend the criminal my body was completely drained of any and all energy. I was so ready to go home. I contacted my boss and let her know what happened and that I was not going to be in today. She told me to go home, get some rest and she would see me on Monday.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

John's belongings

· Soft pack of Marlboro Red’s with two cigarettes left, one half smoked already.
· Black Bic lighter almost out of fluid but still has enough for one more light.
· Cell phone to receive secret messages.
· Full package mint flavored Tic-Tacs for that fresh breath.
· Lottery ticket with the same losing numbers he has tried every week for the past five years.
· Wallet filled with pictures of kids and $2.00 in cash.
· Black ball-point pen in back pocket that has leaked all on back of his jeans.
· Package of Zig-Zags, unopened.

Tanji's background

Name: Tanji
Nickname: LouLou
Sex: Female
Age: 26
Looks: long brown hair, still has some baby fat from having a baby one year earlier.
Education: Graduated from high school but later dropped out of college
Vocation: Works for local cellular phone company
Status/money: Makes just enough to support herself and her two kids.
relationship: divorced but found true love with John.
family/ethnicity: Caucasian, has older brother, parents have been married 35 years
Places: dreams of going to Ireland
Possessions: Not much, just an apartment and a car, which her parents pay for.
Recreation/hobbies: doesn’t have a lot of free time for this but does enjoy going to car races at the local track.
Obsessions: Absolutely loves Johnny Depp and all of his films
Beliefs: everyone deserves a second chance
Politics: Total republican
Sexual history: a busy one that she is not proud of.
Ambitions: would love to be a Labor and Delivery Nurse someday
Religion: Christian
Superstitions: none
Fears: fear of failure, losing family
Attitudes: fairly laid back, but stay out of her way when she is mad, the Irish comes out in her.
Character flaws: Tries to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even if she knows that she shouldn’t. She can be way to trusting.
Character strengths: When she is with someone romantically or on a friend basis she is extremely loyal and would do anything for that person. She absolutely adores her children.
Pets: One annoying Chihuahua named Snoopy.
Taste in books/music: Spanish music and old rock and roll. Loves to read books about fights in the spiritual realm between good and evil.
Journal entries: never been big on journals, she thinks that she doesn’t have enough time.
Handwriting: somewhat large and very neat, leans slightly to the right.
Astrological sign: Pisces, and is so a perfect example of a Pisces.
Talents: very musically inclined. Loves to listen to all types of music. Enjoys playing the flute and the piano.
Friends: only has a few close friends, prefers a small group that a large amount of friends.
Relatives: Adopted when an infant, just recently met her birth mother, has older brother.
Enemies: keeps them closer than her friends.
As seen by others: as a bitch by people that do not know her, to the ones that do she is honest, warm, and has a good sense of humor.
As seen by self: overweight, not worthy of anyone loving her
Scars: One on back of head from falling of bleachers at a baseball game when she was a toddler. One on knee from falling on a nail in elementary school.
Tattoos, piercings: One tattoo on her hip that she got in high school during her crazy days. She has her ears pierced twice and a tongue ring.
Salary: 25,000/yr

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

action

Not long after the New Year Tanji is sitting at home with John and her children and loving the time that they are able to spend together. She has never been so happy with someone as she is with John. She knew that her Mr. Wright was out there she just hadn’t found him yet. Now, as she sits in her living room watching John play with her children everything seems perfect, and then the phone rings. She looks at the caller i.d. and then looks at John. He knows what that look means, Stephanie is calling.

“Hello,” Tanji answers somewhat hesitantly.

“Tanji, this is Stephanie. We need to talk now about what is going on.” Stephanie said.

“Yea we do. You go first.” Tanji suggested.

“How can you do this to me?! You are supposed to be my best friend and you go behind my back and have an affair with my husband? How low of a person are you to do something like this. I never did anything to you for you to treat me like this. I have always been there for you and you know that. I was with you when you and Chris split and when you had Matthew. I have been nothing but a good and true friend to you. How do you repay me? You decide to have an affair with my husband.” Stephanie is beginning to cry and has to put the phone down at one point to regain her composure.

“First, I did not do this to you! YOU brought this on yourself. You are the one that was out whoring around at lunch time with anyone and everyone that would take you. I was the one that would cover for you while you went and turned your tricks for free. Come to think of it, you have been acting like a free whore the whole time I have known you. Man, you must be so proud of yourself making sure that all the men at work had their sexual needs met. What were you doing for John during this time? Absolutely nothing!! John did everything for you in your marriage and you cannot appreciate that. Yea he is not able to work outside the home due to his recent back surgery but he did everything else around the house. When you would come home your house would be clean, right? The laundry would be done and when supper was ready you never had to go get it, John would bring it to you while you sat on the couch and watched TV. You have no idea how good of a thing you had. John came to me for advice on how to save the marriage. He honestly wanted it to work. Hell, y’all have been married for 17 years and you have two kids, it is a long time in a person’s life to just throw it away.” Tanji was getting extremely mad at this point, all she could see was red. This has been a long time coming and she was definitely ready for it.

“I may not have had the best marriage but you have no right coming into my marriage and taking my husband from his children.” Stephanie was extremely upset at this point. She had gone past the point of crying and was more towards the pissed off end.

“I do not have to justify my actions with you, Stephanie. I just have one question for you and then I am going to hang up the phone because I have nothing else to say to you. Did you even think of the marriages that you have damaged due to all of the time that you have spent on your back in the backseat of a car? The first thing you need to learn about marriage is to keep YOUR legs closed!! “ Tanji slams the phone down and heads outside to smoke a cigarette to regain her composure.

Should she feel guilty about what she is doing with John? She has always justified her action with what she is doing because of what Stephanie has done. Does that make it right? Well, that will be a decision to make on her next cigarette break, right now she needs to get back inside with John and her children.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

By the Time...

By the time you read this~

~I will have five more gray hairs sprouting from my balding head.

~You will have lied about her for the 20th time.

~The geese will have flown South and returned home eight times.

~The car will have been in the repair shop for the third time for the exact sam problem.

~I will have forgiven you for the last time.

~The house will be empty and you will have nothing left.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Trip Home

A Trip Home
I had heard about this place before but I have never been here. Groom, Texas is a small town of only 568 people. If you weren’t looking for this town you would drive by it without even noticing it. The one thing that you will notice and the reason I am here is because of the huge cross in the middle of a farm field. As I park my car and get out I notice all of the people that are here in awe of what we see.

“Can you believe how huge this cross is?” a local farmer by the name of Joe asked me.

“I had no idea it was so big. It is amazing. How long has it been here?” I asked him.

“Some local welders built it and installed it back in 1995,” he explained. “We take great pride in this cross and all the sculptures that are here with it. We really feel as if Jesus is here with us each and every day. We are able to reach so many people just out of simple curiosity of seeing the 2nd largest cross in the Western Hemisphere. When they arrive they don’t expect to see an empty tomb or the crosses on Calvary.”

“I can feel the presence of God, it is so wonderful. You can tell how much thought and care were put into the cross and all of these sculptures. I think that my favorite one is the one of Jesus holding the very tiny infant in his hands. It reminds me of the scripture tell us that God knew us before He formed us in our mother’s womb,” I told him. “By Him telling us this it proves that there are no mistakes and that everyone is made for a reason. “

“Well, I better get on back to cleaning the sculptures and getting those darn weeds outta here. You have a good day and enjoy your time here.”

“Thank you so very much.” I responded. As Joe was walking off all I can do is just sit and relish in the love I can feel from God as I sit here in complete and total comfort.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Let Down Again!

“Oh my gosh, what in the world are you doing?” Christina asked. She could not believe that Chris was at home asleep when there are more important things going on that day.

“Uh, what do you mean?” Chris asked half asleep. He seemed to not know what he did wrong.

“You are at home SLEEPING when you are supposed to be up here with your son as he prepares for his second SURGERY.” Christina was trying to keep her cool since she was in public but she was having a hard time doing so.

“DO NOT raise your voice at me. I have tried to get a ride up there and no one can take me up there.” Chris shot back, now he was fully awake and on the defense again. It never failed Chris would screw up and Christina would find out and get mad at him and he would lie to cover up whatever he did.

“Well, if you had not wrecked the car this morning taking your buddy to work we wouldn’t be in this situation. You would be able to be here with your son when he needs you most. But, nnnoooo you chose to give up and take a nap cause you are tired. You know what, I am tired too. I have been at the hospital all night with our son and I have gotten very little sleep but I would not even think about going home and going to sleep. That is probably the most selfish thing that you could possibly do at this point. Why are you so dang selfish that you would rather sleep than be with your six-year-old son when he needs you most?” Christina was past pissed off by this point. She begins to wonder why she is with him especially with him being so selfish. Maybe she needs to rethink this relationship.

“I’m sorry Christina I don’t know what you want me to do. Nothing I do is ever good enough for you. I will try to get up there as fast as I can but I have to find a ride up there.” Chris replied back.

By this time all Christina could see was red. “I don’t care how you get up, I don’t care if you have to walk the 5 miles to get here, just freaking get here and at least pretend that you care for your son.” Christina slammed the phone down and gained her composure as she went back into the room where her son was waiting to go back into surgery.

“Mommy, is daddy coming up here?” Stephen asked.

“He is going to try baby.” Christina told him hoping that Chris would not let his son down.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The lonely room

This room is not much different than all the other rooms she has had. It has a twin size bed, a dresser with a mirror, some pictures on the walls, a radio, and a television. It doesn’t really look like a teenager room but it will do until it is time to move on to the next one. This is the fifth bedroom in three years. It feels as though she is beginning this horrible torture all over again. Will this ever end; will she ever have a home that she can call her own? Will she ever have a family that she can call her own? At this point all she can do is escape to her other world and hope that this room will last more than a month or two.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The not so perfect date

This date story is not quite based on a date as the notes say but once I started writing it just came out so I let it flow.



It was 7:30 and I was on my way out the door to pick up Elizabeth at her house. She only lived about ten minutes away. I was so nervous I could feel my heart beating out of my chest; I had no idea what to expect. This was the first time that I was taking someone out on a date that I had never seen in person. I met Elizabeth through a matchmaking website. I was not having any luck meeting women the “normal” ways of going out to the bars, church, or even the grocery store. I think I am a nice guy. I was raised in a good Christian home. My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married for 38 years. I am 5’10” so I am not too short or too tall. I have a few extra pounds but that is just for extra comfort when cuddling. I have always thought that there is a Mr. or Mrs. Right out there for everyone it is just a matter of when and where they meet them. At the age of 35 I was beginning to wonder if there was someone out there for me; I was getting to the point that if this didn’t work with Elizabeth that I was destined to be single the rest of my life.
I finally arrived at Elizabeth’s house around 7:45 and my hands were practically dripping with sweat. I quickly walked up the front path and eagerly knocked on the front door. Thoughts started racing through my head: would she like me? Am I dressed okay? Will she like my hair? Will she like my jokes or will I sound like a total idiot to her? I quickly snapped myself out of this negative self talk and told myself that we were going to have a very enjoyable evening.
Finally, a beautiful young woman answered the door. She told me that Elizabeth was just finishing getting ready and she would be down in a minute. As I sat on the couch waiting for Elizabeth to come down I remembered the pictures that Elizabeth had posted on her website. She had gorgeous auburn hair and the biggest clear blue eyes that I had ever seen. She had a beautiful olive complexion with just the perfect tan. Her smile looked as though it would light up a room; it definitely made my heart skip a beat when I would look at her picture.
I heard a commotion coming from the top of the stairs, I looked and it was Elizabeth looking as gorgeous in person as she did in her pictures. I was in absolute heaven; this could really be my dream girl. We went to eat at my favorite restaurant, Abuelo’s. The atmosphere was perfect, there was a mariachi band playing in the background, the candles on the table were glistening and dancing as if they were performing just for us. The dinner was absolutely wonderful, I had the beef fajitas and Elizabeth had the cheese enchiladas and then we shared dessert. The conversation never stopped, we were laughing at each other’s jokes and feeling very relaxed with each other.
When dinner was over Elizabeth invited me over for drinks and I couldn’t refuse, I wanted this date to go on all night. We quickly left the restaurant and went straight to her house. Elizabeth went to the wet bar and fixed us both a drink of gin and tonic. As we sat and talked, it seemed like I had known her forever. The more we talked the closer we were moving to each other. Finally, I went in for the kiss and it was just as beautiful and wonderful as she was. This was too good to be true. She took me upstairs to her room so we could have some privacy. When we made it to her room the lights went off and she laid me down on the bed and began kissing and caressing me. This was so awesome, I was finally going to lose my virginity. No one had ever gone this far with me before! Then, it hit me, or should I say, it rubbed up against me. Last I checked I was the only dude in the room. I quickly turned on the lamp by the bed to see a man straddleing me. I have never moved so quick in my life, I pushed him off and grabbed my clothes. I jumped in my car and hauled my butt home. I went straight to the shower and scrubbed my body clean. I could not believe that my dream date was a man!!! Never again will I meet someone on the internet. It is back to the supermarket I go to find my dream woman, in the produce isle.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Third Person

Amy was dreading this day. She woke up at 5:00 to get ready for work but she knew what she had to do first. She grabbed the little white box out of grocery bag and took it to the bathroom. She read the directions on the back of the box and took out the magic wand. “Let stick sit at least two to five minutes before reading results,” she read to herself.

“Dang, that was fast,” she exclaimed. It took less than 30 seconds for the second blue line to appear. Crap, what now. Amy was going to have to tell both Chris (who she now refers to as donor) and her mother, both of which she dreaded.

On the way to work Amy finally called Chris to let him know what is going on.

“Hello?” his dad answered half asleep.

“Tony can I speak to Chris please,” she asked him.

“Hold on just a minute.” He sat the phone down and went to go wake Chris up.

“Hello,” Chris answered half awake half still in his bed.

“Chris I need to tell you something. I’m pregnant.” Amy was very upset at this point and was crying pretty hard.

“Don’t cry,” Chris said, he was trying to sound calm but inside he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want any more kids. He was content with just his first son with Amy. “Come over after work and we will talk about what to do next.”

“K, I get off at 4:00 p.m. so I will be there after that.” Amy said. By this point she was trying to calm herself down and clean her face up so that she would look half way presentable at work. Now, she just needed to figure out how to tell her mom. She decided that she would wait until lunch to tell her.

The day seemed to drag by for Amy. She was hoping that it would take as long as possible to get to lunch so that she wouldn’t have to tell her mother.

Lunchtime finally came; Amy decided that she would grab a bite to eat before making the dreaded phone call. She sat at the table with her best friend for moral support.

“Here goes nothing,” Amy said. “I hope that she doesn’t get to mad.”

“Hello,” her mom answered.

“Hi mom. How are you doing?” Amy asked.

“I’m good, how are you doing?” she asked. She knew something was going on. What was Amy going to tell her? The two worst options would be that Amy was pregnant or if she had gotten fired.

Amy was so nervous at this point her legs and hands were visibly shaking. “Well, I’m pregnant.” She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

“That doesn’t surprise me really,” her mom said “I thought you were going to tell me you had gotten fired.” She knew it why does her daughter get into such predicaments? She could not stand Chris. She knew that he was going to continue to be a dead beat of a dad and she could not understand why Amy was still with him.

Amy didn’t know if her mom was more relieved to know that she hadn’t gotten fired or was wishing that she had gotten fired. All she knew was that she was relieved to have finally told Chris and her mom the news.

First Person Experience

It was 5:00 a.m. and I woke up anxious and completely nervous. Yesterday I went to the store to purchase an EPT test. “I really hope that this turns out negative,” I thought to myself. I already had one son that was two years old; was I ready to be a single mom of two? I went to the bathroom and took the pregnancy test. They say that you should see positive results within two-five minutes; I had positive results in less than 30 seconds. All I could do was stand there in total shock, I had no idea what I was going to tell my mom or Chris (whom I now refer to as “Donor”).


On my way to work I decided to call Chris and let him know the news. I had no idea what he was going to say. I was so nervous and scared to call him. “Hello?” his dad answered the phone.
“Tony, can I speak to Chris, please?” I asked him.

“Hold on a minute, he said. He sat the phone down and went to wake up Chris; after all it was only 6:00 in the morning. Talk about a way to get woken up.

“Hello,” Chris said half awake and half asleep.

“Chris, I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant.” I blurted out. By this time I was in tears because I was so full of emotions I didn’t know what else to do.

“Don’t cry,” he said, “We will figure something out. Come over after you get off of work.”

“Okay, I will talk to you later.” I said as I tried to quit crying so I wouldn’t look like a total disaster when I got to work. Now, my next step is to call my mom and let her know the news. I decided that I would call her at lunch and tell her.

The morning drug about as slow as it could. Finally, the dreaded time had come. I had to call my mom and let her know what has happened.

I first decided I better get something to eat and then give her a call. I grabbed a quick bite in the cafeteria and sat down with my friend for moral support.

“Here goes nothing. Hopefully she won’t be to upset,” I told my friend.

“Hello,” my mom answered.

“Hi mom. How are you doing?” I asked trying to create small talk and stall as much as possible.

“I’m doing good, what’s up?” she asked me. I could tell by the sound in her voice that she knew something was up.

“Well, I have something to tell you,” I started, I was so nervous my legs and hands were shaking like crazy. “I’m pregnant.”

My mom was not a fan of Chris’s so I was kind of scared to find out what she was going to say.

“Well, I am not surprised.” She said. “I thought that you were going to tell me that you had gotten fired.”

At that point I don’t know if she was relieved to know that I wasn’t fired or if she was hoping that I had told her I was fired. All I know is that I was finally glad to tell her and get it off of my chest.

Her One True Love

(Any and all comments are welcome, the more the better thank you)



The day started like any other day, she got ready for work and took the kids to their grandparents’ house for the day. As she drove to work she admired how beautiful of a day it was. The sun was shining as radiantly as she had ever seen. The traffic wasn’t too bad, the cars are moving more like turtles today than snails. She arrived to work right on time and heads straight for her desk. She began her daily routine for the day not knowing that this was the day that would change her life forever.
“NOOOO!!!!” she screamed as she heard the news. She couldn’t believe it. How in the world could this happen? All she could do was sit in her chair and sob uncontrollably. Her co-workers tried to console her to no avail.
“This can’t be happening! He can’t be gone!” she exclaimed. She jumped from her desk and started to grab her belongings.
“Tanji, what is going on? What has happened? Are your boys okay?” asked Stephanie. Tanji and Stephanie were very close friends as well as co-workers and Stephanie was extremely concerned because she had never seen Tanji this upset.
“He’s gone!! John’s gone!” Tanji yelled as she continued to get more and more hysterical as she tries to leave.
“What do you mean he is gone?” Stephanie asked.
“He went to Ohio with his friend to attend a funeral and while he was there he died.” Tanji tried to explain it as calmly as she could but every time she thought of John she broke down again.
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Tanji had met John in December of 2000. He was everything that she had ever wanted in a man. He was tall, 6’3” to be exact. His hair was a gorgeous black color and down to the middle of his back. He was the most amazing creature she had ever met. But, there was one slight problem with him, and her name was Linda.
Linda was John’s wife and Tanji’s best friend. Tanji and Linda met at work in March of 2000 and had an instant connection. It seemed as if they had known each other forever. Tanji could tell Linda anything and know that it would be safe with Linda. As the friendship grew Tanji began to notice how friendly Linda was with the male co-workers. She would often go to lunch with them to provide favors for them. Meanwhile she would leave Tanji specific instructions on what to say to John if he was to call the office.
Tanji and John began talking more to each other. John wanted his marriage to work and so he would ask Tanji for any advice on what he could do. Tanji felt awful about the secrets she was keeping from him concerning Linda. He did not deserve to be treated this way. He had recently had back surgery and was unable to work so he did the entire house duties while Linda continued to work. He kept the house so clean you could eat off of the floor. The laundry was done every day and when he would cook dinner he would bring it to Linda while she sat in the living room and watched TV.
Finally, on December 24 2002, John and Tanji finally decided to take their relationship past the friendship level. Tanji was lucky enough to get off of work early so she headed straight to see John. He was at home and as soon as Tanji drove up he went out to the car. They sat and talked for awhile. The tension between the two was getting greater with every passing minute. She wanted him and he wanted her but who would make the first move? Then it happened, John leaned over and gave Tanji the most passionate kiss that he had ever received. She felt as if she was on cloud nine and going towards clouds ten, eleven, and twelve. The kiss seemed to last forever and was as sweet as the forbidden fruit. Tanji knew from that point that he was the one for her.
On December 26 John called Tanji to let her know that he had left Linda. It took Tanji about 10 minutes to load up the car and to get to John. She felt such a relief to be in his arms. They were inseparable from that day on.
Six months later John had to leave town with his best friend to attend a funeral. Tanji had a funny feeling about this trip and didn’t want him to go. He told her that he had to but that he would be back in a couple of weeks. Tanji hugged him and kissed him for as long as she could not knowing it would be the last time that she saw him.
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Stephanie took Tanji to her car and drove her over to the house where John’s family was at.
“Thank you so much for driving me here,” Tanji told her. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Tanji went into the house and collapsed in his mother’s arms. They both cried until they were out of tears.
“What happened to him?” Tanji asked.
“We are not quite sure yet. All we know is that when Robert tried to wake him up he wouldn’t. We won’t know for sure what happened until we get the autopsy and toxicology reports back.”
One month later, after John had been brought home and buried the autopsy and toxicology reports came from Ohio. John had died of a heart attack at the age of 34 years old. The death certificate also listed cocaine as contributing to the heart attack.
John’s mom approached Tanji regarding the drug usage. “Tanji, did you know anything about his drug usage?” she asked.
At that moment his mom knew she could read it all over Tanji’s face. “Yes, I knew.” She responded with her head hanging low. This is one secret that no one had known about John or herself. Tanji had tried cocaine once before but had not touched it again until she got with John. When they were together they started out just getting a small amount, just a twenty. Then, the longer they used the more they used. The largest amount they ever used was a quarter ounce in one night. When John died Tanji only started using more. She was getting wired every night. She wouldn’t go to sleep until the sun started coming up and by that time her kids were getting ready to wake up in the morning.
“Are you still using cocaine?” his mom asked, both out of concern for Tanji and for her children.
“Yes, I know I need to stop but it helps me to escape the pain of losing John.” She replied.
“The pain? What pain do you think I am going through as his mother? I raised him and watched over him. Don’t you think that I am going through pain right now? I can’t just go grab a bottle of beer or a joint because I am hurting! You have two young boys that need you right now. They do not need a mom that neglects them and is high on drugs all the time. Tanji, I will tell you right now if you do come clean with your family about the situation you are in I will and I will also contact child protective services. If you cannot get clean you do not deserve to have your children.”
Within the hour Tanji called her parents to let them know that she had been using for the past 7 months. To say that they were disappointed is putting it mildly. They had raised her in a Christian home and could not believe that this was happening. They also informed Tanji that if she would not get clean then they would also contact children’s protective services.
Tanji knew what she had to do; she had to get clean and sober. “There is no way that I am going to let someone take my children away. Especially for me being stupid.” She thought to herself. From that day on she did not associate in any way with the people that she used to party with. She got her life back on track and has remained clean for 5 years now.
To this day Tanji looks back and feels that John was the love of her life and maybe if they had met under different circumstances things could have been different. But, no one will ever know. What would have happened if they had never used drugs? Would John still be alive today? Tanji asks herself to this day if she would still have John if they had never used. Maybe someday she will find the answer when she sees him again.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Narration and Scene

Narration


I was sitting at the kitchen table helping my oldest son with his homework. I was trying to explain to him how to do the math homework and I could just see the tears coming up in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he was frustrated because the assignment was so difficult. He just broke down in tears and I could see all of the frustration come out of him. It took a moment for him to calm down but once he did then we were able to continue with his homework. I hate seeing him so upset over math. I think that some of this has to do with the fact that we moved to Minnesota half way through his second grade year. The schools in Minnesota are above the schools in Texas and I think that it was a disadvantage for Tyler because he has not been able to catch up to where he should be. By the end of the twenty minutes we had completed Tyler’s homework. He told me that it made more sense to him after we worked through it.


Pure Scene


“Okay Tyler, let’s get your homework done. Tell me how you did number one.” I asked.


“I added 4 plus 6, 8 plus 3, and 8 plus 2.” He said.


“So what is the final answer?” I asked him.


“32, I guess? I don’t know!!!!” he exclaimed.


“What is the matter? Why are you crying and getting so upset about this?” I asked him.


“I am so frustrated. I don’t understand this stuff and it is so hard!!” he exclaimed.


“Calm down, Tyler. This crying is only going to get you more upset. Just take a few deep breaths and calm down. I know that this is hard and I am here to help you understand it and get it completed. It will take some time but we will get this so you can understand it.” I explained to him.


“Okay, I am ready to finish. After I am done can I go outside and play?” he asked.


“First, let’s focus on the homework and then we can think about what to do next when we are done with the homework.” I said.


“Okay, so the answer for this one is 31, right?” he asked.


“Correct, see if you just take your time and work through the problem you can get to the correct answer.” I said.


“Thanks, I think I definitely understand it better now that we have worked through it.” He said.

Scene and Narration


It was around 4:00 when we were finally able to sit down and get out the homework, that Tyler brought home, and tackle it as if we were the best homework workers in the world. Tyler has had a problem with math ever since we moved to Minnesota. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we moved half-way through his second grade year and the teaching method is completely different than in Texas. Sitting down to do math homework, for Tyler, is like torture for him. I think that he would rather have his teeth pulled by pliers without Novocain.


“Okay Tyler, let’s get your homework done. Tell me how you did number one.” I asked. I was eager to find out if all the extra work we had done at home and at school was really working. I wondered if he was making any progress. As his mother I hate to see him struggle and I just wish that I could just give him the answers and he would automatically know what to do. Unfortunately, it does not work that way.


“I added 4 plus 6, 8 plus 3, and 8 plus 2.” He said. So far he had it right. He knew what function to do and he knew what numbers to put together so I was beginning to feel hopeful that we were on the right track.


“So what is the final answer?” I asked him. I was sitting on pins and needles in anticipation of the answer.


“32, I guess? I don’t know!!!!” he exclaimed. He was so upset. You could see the frustration all over his face. I could see the tears building up in his eyes. He was on the verge of a total and complete breakdown. He finally let the tears roll down his face as if the gates of Niagara Falls had broken open.


“What is the matter? Why are you crying and getting so upset about this?” I asked him. I was getting frustrated with his reaction to his math. I know that he knows the answers but he doesn’t try he just guesses and hopes that the answer is right. When the answer is wrong he gets frustrated and mad at himself for getting the incorrect answer.


“I am so frustrated. I don’t understand this stuff and it is so hard!!” he exclaimed. He kept crying and sobbing. He was so upset over the math. Tyler has always been a bright child. When he was in pre-K and kindergarten his teachers told me that when he was old enough he needed to be tested for the gifted and talented program. Now that he is in school here he is struggling in math and reading and his frustration gets me frustrated. I begin to wonder if I made the right choice moving my children 1,200 miles to Minnesota.


“Calm down, Tyler. This crying is only going to get you more upset. Just take a few deep breaths and calm down. I know that this is hard and I am here to help you understand it and get it completed. It will take some time but we will get this so you can understand it.” I explained to him. I try to be as patient with him and let him know that I am there to help him as much as I can so that he can learn as much as he can.


After about a ten minute break Tyler was able to regain his composure and get his frustration under control. “Okay, I am ready to finish. After I am done can I go outside and play?” he asked. He always has a tendency to try and think of things to do next or things that are out of his control. A lot of this has to do with his ADHD and his inability to stay focused for a long period of time.


“First, let’s focus on the homework and then we can think about what to do next when we are done with the homework.” I said. We walked through the problem step-by-step and I showed him where he had made the mistake. It is so nice to see him learning and the light coming on when he figures out the problem.


“Okay, so the answer for this one is 31, right?” he asked.


“Correct, see if you just take your time and work through the problem you can get to the correct answer.” I said. I knew that he could do this. He just has to put his mind to it and he can do anything that he wants.


“Thanks, I think I definitely understand it better now that we have worked through it.” He said. It was such a relief to see the tension and frustration leave his face.
When we were done he put everything in his backpack and hurried outside to play. He was a kid again without any stress or worries or feelings of inferiorority. I just hope that by the end of this school year he has progressed enough to not fall behind in the fifth grade.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Cars

“Come on, let’s take a drive,” Sally offered to Lightning McQueen.

“A drive?” asked Lightning.

“Yea a drive; don’t you big city racecars ever just take a drive?” she asked.

“No we don’t” he replied with a cocky little grin. Just has he answered her the old blue gas pump dinged to let him know that his tank was full. Sally gently revved her blue Porsche engine and slowly left the gas station. McQueen revved his racecar engine and followed after her. As the other cars watched to see what he was going to do McQueen looked at the empty and deserted highway that would lead him to freedom and out of this hell hole known as Radiator Springs.

“Now what should I do? I know I can beat any of the old clunkers here. I could make a run for it and be as free as a bird. Or, should I stay and…” Just as he was reasoning through his thought process Sally revved up and asked him if he was going to come with her. He quickly got his mind of the free-winding, call-to-freedom highway, backed up his car and followed Sally into the beautiful canyons and rocks.

Sally and Lightening raced along their own deserted highway like a couple of wild horses that had just been set free. They felt as though the world was theirs. They raced through dense green forests, cool streams of water, and past a waterfall whose water looked as clear and beautiful as glass.

“How could I have ever wanted to leave this place? The mountains of rocks were as high as he could see. They were the most vibrant colors of reds, yellows, and oranges. The sky was the bluest blue he had ever seen with the most abundant and beautiful white clouds filling it. It was as if he had left Earth and drove straight to Heaven.

“I don’t ever want to leave this place.” He decided. From that point on Lightning had his racing headquarters in Radiator Springs so he could always return when he was not racing.

Monday, September 22, 2008

My Own Harper's Index

1. Dr. Peppers I drink in a day: 1
2. Number of stuffed animals my daughter owns: 10
3. Number of months I have lived in MN: 21
4. Times I have been married: 1
5. Times I have been divorced: 1 (thank goodness)
6. Hours of sleep I get each night: 5-6
7. Total it costs to fill up my car: $50.00
8. Number of kids: 3
9. Times I have gotten a speeding ticket: 3
10. Total number of elementary schools I attended: 5
11. Years I played a musical instrument: 6

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My fears, wants, and turning points

My Worst Fears
1. Drowning in a car
2. Suffocating
3. Being alone
4. Something harmful happening to my children that I cannot prevent.
5. Getting into another failed marriage.
6. Not getting married
7. Not being able to finish school.
8. Not being a good role model for my children
9. Being out at night alone.

My Wants
1. Acceptance to Nursing program
2. Becomes successful and independent again
3. My own home
4. A new car
5. A significant other (at some point)
6. Visit Texas again

My Turning Points
1. Moving into My Father’s House, Lubbock
2. My pregnancy with my daughter
3. Meeting my birth mother for the first time
4. Moving to Minnesota

Monday, September 15, 2008

Picture story


It was a warm fall afternoon when John and Boy Scout troop 583 went to Stone Mountain for a weekend adventure including camping, hiking, fishing, and other exciting events. No one knew that their weekend would end so quickly and so dangerously. Look at what two sticks rubbed together will do.
The troop arrived at the campground around 9:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. They came loaded down with pillows, sleeping bags, pajamas, and an eagerness for the adventure to begin. They started out the weekend setting up camp and getting the tents set up. That in itself was an adventure, watching eight and nine-year-old boys trying to set up camp. It was quite comical.
“All right boys, now that we have camp set up we need to get our canteens so we can go on a nature walk” John said. The boys screamed with excitement. What would they find as they walk through the trails? “I hope we see some really cool bugs and spiders!” exclaimed Sam. “I bet we will see a bunch of different spiders” added Matt. “Okay boys, let’s move out” John ordered.
About two hours later the boys return to their campsite. They never knew that there were so many different bugs and animals in the forest.
The sun was beginning to set and it was getting close to dinner time for the boys. Michael began to get the campfire ready for hot dogs and s’mores. It took a few strikes but he finally got the campfire going. As he went over to his Den leader to let him know that the fire was ready he turned around and saw that the fire had escaped from the fire pit and had already reached the big tent.
Michael did not know what to do. He told his Den leader and they all quickly rushed out of the campground to notify the park ranger. As the Cu Scouts looked on from a distance, all Michael could feel was total and complete guilt. He felt that he was the one that was responsible for the fire and putting all of the animals in danger.
How could he ever forgive himself for what he had done?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I am a camera

As I sit at my desk I listen to all the chatter throughout my office. Next to me I can hear Rachel giving directions for a testing facility to a candidate with such a calm and friendly tone. At the same time another representative is having a funny conversation with another co-worker while drinking coffee from her large, black coffee mug. As I listen to my co-workers another two walk out the door. One is a rather short man in a black jacket and glasses; the other is a taller woman with black pants and a pink top. I think it is kind of funny to see a tall woman and a shorter man walking side-by-side. In the background of all this I can hear the air-conditioner quietly humming. I can also see the rain softly falling on the windows. For being such a busy office it is a rather quiet and calm setting. As I continue to sit and watch my co-workers it is interesting to watch them interact with each other. I see to of the upper management talking together and I wonder what they could possibly be discussing. Could it be about work or about what is going on this weekend? With the way they are acting I would say that it is not about work. I will continue to watch through out the day and see what other interesting things I can see my co-workers and all of their different behaviors and actions.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Ron Carlson Reflection

One section that I liked was The Idea of the Story Idea" and that if it is important to you then it is worth writing about. One example of this would be my parents. They wrote a book a few years ago. It wasn't fiction but more of a testimony of what they have been through in life. It was far from a best-seller but the people that have read it have been positively affected by it. When a person writes a book, it may not make the New York Best-Sellers list but even if it has an impact on one person it is worth it.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Week one

When it became clear that Alec Webb was far more ill than anyone had cared to tell him, he tore up his English life and came down to die on the Riviera. He had always wanted to visit the Riviera but he never thought he would move there to live the last few months of his life at the age of 36. He had always thought that he would live long enough to do all that he wanted to do.

Alec was a well educated man from a well educated family. He went to the best schools that his parents could afford. He graduated from Cornell University Magna Cum Laude with a law degree. He was recently named a partner in a prestigious law firm in New York.

In January he went to his doctor for a regular check-up but instead he was given the news that he had Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. He was hit with the information like a ton of bricks. As he sat in the doctor’s office all he could think about was his life and accomplishments. How could someone with his education and background be diagnosed with such a rare disorder? The doctor gave him options to weigh carefully.

Alec did not take long to make his decision. He packed his bags, grabbed his passport, and took himself on the greatest adventure of a lifetime. He spent the last three months of his life sitting on the sandy beaches drinking margaritas in the Riviera. He possibly could have lived longer with chemotherapy or radiation but he could not have had the time of his life sitting in a hospital room receiving treatments. What would you choose, a life of chemotherapy with all side effects that come with it or live your last moments doing the things you always dreamed of but were to afraid to do?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

101 Words

It is September third and I cannot believe that it has been almost two years since I moved to Minnesota from Texas. Prior to moving here I had never even visited the state. This was a blind leap of faith when I moved up here. The only people I knew were my parents. How crazy could I have been to move 1,200 miles from everything and everyone I knew to start a new life? Obviously I must have been fairly crazy because I did it. I am so grateful that I made the choice it has benefited my family so much.

Closer to Memory

The first house I lived in is still my favorite house to this day. I lived in Midland, TX. One of the strongest memories I have from that house is one Christmas morning. I think I was around the age of nine or ten years of age this particular Christmas. Outside the temperature was not extremely cold but there was a chill in the air. Of course, since it was West Texas it was another brown Christmas. I can still smell the aroma of my dad’s freshly brewed coffee. I can see the living room as if I was there just yesterday. We had two brown, large rocker-recliner chairs and a couch that was multi-colored. It was a very homey and comfortable living room. We had the Christmas tree positioned in the corner of the living room between the couch and one of the recliners. I was sitting at the end of the couch closest to the Christmas tree when my mom handed me my next present to open. I ripped through the package as fast as I could. It was exactly what I had wanted, a Cabbage Patch Doll. Now, getting a Cabbage Patch at that time was like getting the big demand toys of this year. To top of my excitement my mom told me that she had to drive “all the way to Odessa” to get the doll. To a nine-year-old Odessa was like going half way around the world to get a doll, when in actuality it was a 30-minute drive. I felt so special when I opened the present. I can still smell the scent that a new doll has when you first take them out of the package.

First Sentences

1. I can still remember the feelings I experienced when I received the unexpected telephone call that day.

2. “What were you thinking?” my mom exclaimed with total shock.

3. I had always dreamed of how my prince charming would propose to me, I never thought what happened on that day was ever conceivable or could even possibly happen to me.

4. Being a mourning widow she fooled everyone with her cheery misdemeanor and brightly colored attire but inside she felt as though she was being torn apart from her heart and her one true love.